Bobby pic

You hear it all the time. Wash your hands. Be sure to wash your hands. Did you wash your hands?  Did you know that flu, covid, sars, HIV, AIDS, hangovers and depression can all be prevented by washing your hands?  Not really, I just made that stuff up. You do hear that washing your hands will prevent the spread of germs.

My grandmother was certainly a believer in washing your hands. When her grandchildren visited, we had to wash our hands before every meal. Sometimes my grandfather would tell her that we were not going to wash our hands before supper. My grandmother wouldn’t even take the cigarette out of her mouth to say that we were going to wash our hands.

Fast forward to today, washing your hands is important. Now comes the hard part. How do you dry your hands? If you use a cloth towel all day, doesn’t the towel hold trapped germs to contaminate someone else? Paper towels seem to be in short supply. What can you do?

Being a man, the solution is simple to me. I merely shake my hands until most of the water goes off. Ladies you know what happens next. I either rub my hands on my shirt or rub then on my pants pockets. Problem solved as far as I’m concerned. There is another problem. I get a lecture about my dirty pants or shirt. My hands dirty the shirt or pants. There are water spots all over my shirt or pants. You’re thinking how could men have lasted 60 million years when they can’t even dry their hands?

Now we have to use hand sanitizer even after we wash our hands. This just brings up many more problems. Hand sanitizer has been in short supply. Some of my friends have been trying to make homemade hand sanitizer. Problems have come about. Alcohol is part of the hand sanitizer production. One friend had her hand sanitizer turn into jello shots. Another friend has trouble with his attempts at making hand sanitizer become a rum and coke.

I guess this washing your hands is a good idea. Medical experts say that touching your face with your dirty hands allows germs to get into your mouth and nose. I’m definitely in trouble. I touch my face all the time. I scratch my nose or worse every day. When I think about it, I should really be in trouble. When I wash my hands, I dry them on my pants and then I touch my face. Whatever I rinsed off is reintroduced to my hands from my dirty pants.

Fear not. I have a solution. If we put disinfectant wipes in or on or around our pants pockets, the problem is solved. Rinse off your hands; shake them, dry them on your pants and they will be disinfected by the built in wipes. Eureka!!!!

If the wipes don’t work, we could put in an alcohol system like they have on airplanes. Some planes having weeping wings. Tiny holes in the leading edge of the wings allow alcohol to weep out and prevent ice build up. This could be built into work pants. Hands in pockets and they come out clean and sanitary. Pants with alcohol in them might cause other problems though.

I do have a friend that has his personal weeping wing system. Every time he sweats alcohol seeps out of his pores. He claims he grew up in the hills of North Carolina. He has been trying to sanitize his body from the inside out his whole life.

Now comes the hard part. How do you get the alcohol pants to work? Sanitizing alcohol could easily become rum and coke. Will men actually dry their hands on the new alcohol pants or will they just switch to using their shirt as a towel. Until I get all this sorted out, be sure to wash your hands.