Man! I found some television channels the other day. I call it the Psycho Channel. It seems like every show has Psycho in the title. They don’t leave out anyone either. Just imagine every title starting with Psycho and then add your entire family.
PSYCHO Uncle, Aunt, Daddy, Mother, Teacher, Sunday School Teacher, Brother, Sister, Sister-in-law, Brother-in-law, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Coach, Doctor, Dentist, Hair Stylist, and Pool Boy; Don’t forget mother-in-law, college friend, and the serial killer down the street.
Wow! That can take a lot out of you. I haven’t watched any of the Psycho shows though. These shows take two hours to watch. I’m not sure if the people being stalked or watched by the psycho are rescued at the end of the show or not. Two hours is just a little long for someone to being stalking you.
There are some other channels that take up a lot of time and don’t come to a good conclusion. One of my friends has been shut up in his house for five straight months. He is watching what his wife tells him to watch. He says their TV is on 24 hours of love stories. It is just about more than he can stand. All the stories are about some silly love story. The woman finds a new boyfriend. This new boyfriend knows what the woman needs. (She needs the same I do.) He claims the problem is the story drags out too long. “They don’t even kiss until the last two minutes of the show and then they get married.” He says that doesn’t suit him. “I’m 84 and they need to speed it up.”
There is a channel that kills off all the men. The men do something bad to the women. Then the woman gets even with the man. She either kills him or gets him locked up and takes every bit of money he has. You know that line, “I got the rabbit, she got the Caddy, she even got my children calling him daddy.”
There is even a Christmas channel that brings a girl back to her hometown and she meets or re-meets the guy she should have married in the first place. It is always set in a beautiful snow covered town. She never should have left town and tried to find her way in the big city. Now the man of her dreams is right there in her hometown. “Oh, Auntie Em, there’s no place like home.”
Tonight, I’m going to watch one of the snow covered hometown reunion shows. I do have a cousin that says that is a dangerous thing trying to connect with an old girlfriend. He should know. He married his high school sweetheart only to get a divorce. He moved back to his hometown and then married the girl he claims he should have married in the first place. That didn’t work either. He divorced her and remarried the first wife. They divorced again.
Now he has it made. He claims to watch the channel where all the people move back and create a new life. He likes the show because he can watch it and have a drink and remember all the bad decisions he made in his life. The best part is he can talk to the TV and no one talks back.