Last week was one of those jammed packed weeks that had me running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Therefore, I don’t feel like killing myself trying to come up with some witty column just to entertain my readers.
Did I actually say that? What was I thinking?
Have you ever said or done something that you later regretted? You know, that “What was I thinking” (WWIT) moment that you undoubtedly will never forget. This occurs all to often when it comes to weddings. How many wedding albums have we flipped through (our own included) and had to hold back from busting out laughing?
Bride’s gowns adorned with gargantuan poufy sleeves and bridesmaids swathed in electric blue taffeta were the norm when I was just getting started on my first husband. Actually I didn’t wear a gown (no, that’s not why). I eloped. Wedding number two however, did include a gown but that husband (and future divorcée) was forced to wear white – down to his gleaming white patent leather shoes.
But my third (and last…I promise) had to bear the brunt of a girl gone tacky wild.
I blame it on the era but in 1986 “rose” was in. Well, as far as I was concerned it was. So on our wedding day the Sergeant Major, with his stiff upper lip and secretly praying no fellow Marines would show up, stood by my side took me for his bride. Oh, I must mention my best friend and maid of honor, Kathy, matched – somewhat. And as luck would have it, my father already had a jacket in the perfect shade of blush.
I am also a WWIT repeat offender when it comes to my mouth. Occasionally my brain works faster than my mouth and because of that I have found myself in hot water or wishing I were in another place at another time. I believe it’s because I find it extremely hard to fib and rather than not say anything, I speak (what’s on) my mind. My tactlessness leaves a lot to be desired. So at the risk of being labeled self-righteous, I find solace - in some distorted but fun sort of way - in watching other people do things they will soon regret.
An easy to do it is to turn on the TV. There is no shortage of television programs that spotlight people performing random acts of stupidity. The things that these folks do are so ridiculous that I am amazed they are still alive. But my favorite place to watch dumb people is in the courtroom.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Our local justice system is praiseworthy and our judges define the epitome of professionalism. But every once in a while, when a judgment doesn’t go the way a defendant anticipated, common sense takes a hiatus.
A case in point was when a young woman stood before a magistrate judge, her loving mother at her side, and proceeded to defend herself against five separate charges. Unfortunately she failed in her attempt, as the evidence was overwhelming. After the judge passed an appropriate sentence she was escorted out of the courtroom.
She didn’t make it halfway down the hall before she decided to loose all self-control. And that’s when the screaming, wailing, and gnashing of teeth commenced. I watched in horror as she collapsed in a heap (in-between two courtrooms that were in session), refusing to stand up, all the while insisting she wasn’t going anywhere. It would take several deputies to coax her back to her feet and off to her new six by eight digs. In fact, her hissy fit may have cost her a charge of breach of peace but I didn’t stick around to find out if her unplanned vacation was extended.
Can we learn from this woman’s actions? Personally I would hope I’d possess a little more self control and dignity as Mr. Po-Po replaced my stylish bangles with archaic restraints. But more importantly, I certainly would refrain from anything that could provoke further legal action by the man on the bench. I’ve always said there are two people I never want to look in the eye and explain myself – Bill O’Reilly and a judge. As for the distressed defendant - she has been afforded a unique opportunity to contemplate her unfortunate “What was I thinking” moment for a long, long time to come.