All God’s children got feet. Some are larger than others, some smell better than others. Feet, like noses and fingers get no respect, unlike other parts of the anatomy that are watched almost as much as TV.
It’s my opinion that Williamsburg County should have a hall of fame for feet. If Clyburn could get the money through the Obama stimulus package, we could build it at Nesmith, where county council was going to build the landfill.
For your feet to be considered for this prestigious honor, you would fill out a questionnaire, including the date of birth, the number of toes on each foot, the names of the toes. Can your toes conjugate a verb? Are they Tigers or Gamecocks? Married or single? Name three heroic deeds that your feet have done. Medal, citations and letters of recommendation should all be included. Have your feet ever been arrested for DUI, jay walking, stealing hogs, kicking a Tisdale, Lawrimore or a Powell? If your feet are as pure as Ivory soap, and they are not Gamecock fans, your chances of your feet being inducted in the hall of fame are better than the county school system releasing your child so he or she can attend Walker Gamble in Clarendon County.
I would like to nominate six feet that deserve to be in the feet hall of fame. Two of the feet are still with us. The other four feet are in heaven where St. Peter is trying to find shoes that will fit. The six feet are like property of the Gerald McKenzie, Charlie Hagwood and Henry “Foots” Elliott. They didn’t need a plow, they just let their toenails grow, follow a mule and plow a field in record time.
Gerald McKenzie and his wife Doris were the Dagwood and Blondie, Bonnie and Clyde, Romeo and Juliet of Sandy Bay.  Gerald was allergic to shoes. He went barefoot in the wintertime. He never had athlete’s foot because it died of frostbite. If he put his foot where the sun don’t shine, you better be wearing a parachute. He was a big man with a big heart. Sandy Bay’s loss was heaven’s gain.
Doris McKenzie had the energy of a humming bird. Her personality was like opening a warm can of Pepsi. She could talk the devil into joining the Baptist church. She could sell birth control pills in a nursing home. I wonder how many Electrolux vacuum cleaners she sold in Sandy Bay, Williamsburg County, Pee Dee. We have one at our house.
Charlie Hagwood, like Gerald McKenzie was a legend. Charlie was mayor of Boogie Bottom when they had more mules than tractors. Today, Boogie Bottom is more sophisticated. Its alleged they have started bathing semi-annually, and deodorant outsells soap.  
Charlie Hagwood used to sit at the store, his feet naked, his pants legs rolled up, and watch the pickups roll by. Charlie said he could sit there all week and not see a single pickup that was paid for. The farmers didn’t use poison at Boggie Bottom. They had Charlie to walk through their cornfield with his shoes off. The tassels would hold their nose. Charlie was the slowest driver in Williamsburg County. He used to take a change of underwear when he went to Kingstree. When he went to Lake City, he would pack a lunch so he wouldn’t starve to death before he got back home.
The other two feet that belong in the feet Hall of Fame belong to Henry “Foots” Elliott. The largest communities in the county are Kingstree, Lane, Hemingway and Greeleyville. Henry’s feet are bigger than Greeleyville and they smell better too! Henry’s feet and incorporated. They have their own mayor, town council. Henry has applied for some of the Obama stimulus money for a fire truck. Last year his feet caught on fire. Fortunately the fire departments at Warsaw, Andrews, Hemingway, and Nesmith were able to save the toe.
Everyone should be remembered for something. Gerald, Charlie and Henry’s feet will go down in history but I guess that’s better than being remembered for a beast of burden tied out behind a radio station.