Do you believe in the Obama health plan? Do you believe in global warming, the tooth fairy, that Adam was a McKenzie, Eve was a Floyd, the apple came from IGA and the snake sold Avon products at Piney Forest?
All of you who believe in global warming should shake hands with Ole Scrap Iron. No one has colder hands and a warmer heart than Peggy. I believe her fingers are related to the iceberg that sank the Titanic. Peggy’s only competition was Dr. Harry Floyd’s stethoscope, which was colder than an Eskimo’s underwear. Now that Dr. Harry Floyd retired, he’s sent his stethoscope back to the North Pole.
Peggy’s hands haven’t retired. As long as there are grandchildren to feed, a house to clean and a husband to take care of, she will never retire.
When Dr. Floyd decided to retire, I decided to conduct a survey along with the Kingstree Blues, CBS, USA Today and Time magazine, and the beauty shops in Kingstree to determine which doctor had the best looking patients in Williamsburg County. Walter Cottingham was the winner by a nose. He edged out Dr. Chandler in Hemingway and Dr. James Coker in Kingstree. Some of Dr. Floyd’s patients were so ugly…he had to blindfold the hypodermic needle before giving them a shot. He had to give antibiotics a shot of Jack Daniels and the medication would go kicking and screaming into the patient’s blood stream.
Dr. Floyd’s bedpans have been known to hire a lawyer. Sam Floyd once defended a bedpan. When a gentleman from Cedar Swamp used the facility, the jury brought back a verdict in favor of the bedpan after Sam convinced the jury that the gentleman from Cedar Swamp had a rear end that looked like a satellite dish. The bedpan received a considerable amount of money from the jury for humiliation and pain. The bedpan moved to Florida and opened a tattoo parlor.
Now that Harry is retiring, he will have an auction to dispose of the pills, hypodermic needles, bedpans, laxatives, uppers and downers, and round and rounders. He will sell his supply of Viagra pills. You can feed them to your cat and use his tail for a screwdriver. Some of Dr. Floyd’s prescriptions have been donated to the Historical Society; the one where he prescribed a Goody Powder for a brain tum-or and another where he prescribes Epson Salt for diarrhea. So Dr. Harry Floyd will sail off into the sunset with Nancy, perhaps to visit his hometown of Olanta. Floyds are not mentioned in the Old Testament because when Noah was building the Ark, David was slaying Goliath, Jonah was swallowed by the whale, and Delilah was cutting Samson’s hair, the Floyds were stealing hogs.