I know it ain’t the best thing for ya, but is there anything better than real butter?  I mean, let’s face it, who wants a wet piece of toast due to the spray kind of fakey stuff? Who wants a good ole, southern, homemade, hot biscuit with some tasteless grease on top?   I have to go with Paula Dean on this one.  Just a pat of butter (note she uses a pat off of a whole pound stick, not one of them little quarter sticks) will add great taste to a piece of cardboard!  And if you can’t tell the difference between a cookie or a pound cake cooked with butter instead of margarine, your taster needs some serious fixin’!
Anyway, I was browsing the “butter section” of a grocery store recently.  Have you notic-ed all the different brands?  They reminded me of some friends and acquaintances I have....
Why, there is “Imperial.”  I know some female, southern bell, queenly types. They always dress like the paparazzi’s after ‘em.  Every-thing is matchy-matchy. No hair is out of place.  Expensive make-up is applied thickly and perfume permeates the air a half block away.  They must be “put together” before leaving the house. I personally know one woman who will not even leave her bedroom in the morning until she is ready to meet the press.  I don’t know why.  The press is not concerned!  These were either debutants or wanted to be, probably on the homecoming court or wanted to be, you get the picture!?  They are full of attitude.....and just prance and priss around adding lots of glamour to our world!
Then, there’s “Promise.”  These types are friends who will KEEP a promise.  I think they are the friends you can trust with all your secrets, both clean and dirty.   They are dear, gentle, humble, not self-serving .  They are rare and of great value.  They are the kinds we all inspire to be.  You can count on them 100 percent.  Why, they’d even wake up in jail with you and say, “Man, that was fun!”   
There’s “Parkay.” These remind me of friends who like to parkay their bottomays on my couchay and don’t know when to leaveay.  I’ve had a few of those in the past.  You know, they arrive too early or too late, and unannounced....no matter that your baby is throwing up, your four year old child is screaming bloody murder, you’ve got three pots boiling on the stove, the dog has just peed on the rug, your hair is wet and the fire alarm is going off.  They’ll just come in, grab something to drink and SIT there watching the “entertainment”.
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” are the fake friends.  Do not turn your back on this brand.  They might smell real, look real, talk real, feel real.  But they ain’t real!  You might have a rear end the size of Texas pushed into a pair of jeans two sizes too small but they’d say you look great!   They are using you to no good end.  When you’re on top of the world, they’re there.  When you got money, they’re there.  If your circumstances change, they are long gone.  Be careful around the flatterers!
“Blue Bell” is another brand.  These are the good old, farm raised, hard workin’ girls...solid to the core.  They know how to milk a cow!  And make good ice cream with the milk!  With real sugar!  They’d give you the bra off their bosom if you needed it  (thought that sounded more feminine than “shirt off their back”).  That is, if they are wearing one.  Blue bells are good friends to have.  They can keep you grounded during the storms of life.  Why, Texas even named a flower after them!
Have I mentioned “Country Crock”....oh, man.  What all could we say about that kind of acquaintance/friend?  Let’s just say they are prone to elaboration.  Every time they relay a story, more details are made up and added!  They’ll even put the story on their Facebook page for the whole world to read!  Yes’m, they are full of it!
“Land of Lakes” is a good brand.  It reminds me of water....cool, clear, water.  This reminds me of my friends who love bodies of water as much as I love them.  Reminds me of good times at the river, lake, ocean, pool, hot tub, mud puddle, bird bath........reminds me of the refreshing I get when I’m around these sweet friends.
Wonder what kind of “butter” am I?  Not sure, but I’m gonna go eat a biscuit!
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