Back to school?  I am not!  Whoopee for me!  I am d-o-n-e.  I, at the ripe age of, well, I’m not telling!  
Anyway, at my ripe age, I still have nightmares concerning if I will graduate from college or not.  It all depended on whether my French II teacher gave me a D or an F.  I am not proud of this fact, believe me.  I did manage to graduate.  But this week I decided to dedicate my column to teachers, bless their hearts...at least the good, dedicated ones...which are the ones I know!  
I found a few more good excuses for being absent that you may not have seen yet.  These are reported to have come from real notes from real parents  (who really need to go back to school!)
“My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today.  Please execute him.”
“Please excuse Sally for being absent.  She was sick and I had her shot.”  
“Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.”
“Sarah won’t be in school a week from Friday because we have to attend her funeral.”
 “Please excuse Carlos from school.  He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.”  
Some more funny school one liners...Today in English we learned absolutely nothing about killing mockingbirds...  Teachers deserve a lot of credit.  Of course if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it...  You know our education system has problems when Hallmark comes out with a new line of “Easy to Read’’ graduation cards.
And then there are these:
Mrs. Swicord: Jacob, I hope I didn’t see you copying Casey’s math test.
Jacob: I hope you didn’t either.
Mrs. White: What comes before 8?
Demetrius:  My school bus.
Mr. Kellahan:  If you eat fish?
Kelly:  It’s good for the eyes!
Mr. Kellahan:  If you don’t eat fish?
Kelly:  It’s good for the fish!
Mrs. Godwin:  Did your father help you with your homework?
Kate: No, he did it all by himself!
Mrs. McCrea:  You missed school yesterday didn’t you?
Sherena:  Not very much.
Mr. Wilson:  Well, at least there is one thing I can say about your son’s grades.
Father:  What’s that?
Mr. Wilson:  With grades like this, he couldn’t be cheating!
I have many memories of substitute teaching in different states.  Some good memories.  Some bad ones. However, I decided right then I’d much rather teach one-on-one than one-on-thirty. I have experienced great, dynamic, selfless  teachers and some that definitely need to be in another profession. And I absolutely 100 percent admire dedicated teachers.  I do not know how they do it.  I do not know how they handle all the pressure and all the paper work and the parents griping and the low salaries and the bus duty and the playground duty and the you have to come to PTA meetings and football games and the 15 year old who cannot read and all the testing and the you have to buy your own supplies, and the yes, we know there is abuse in the home  but we can’t do much about it yet, and the, and the, and the.
Perhaps there is a special place in heaven for you teachers who are trying so hard!   Please know that there are many of us who appreciate you! The Diva suggests you write a note of thanks to a good teacher today!!!
If you would like to submit questions or comments for “Diva Dives In,” you may mail them to “Diva  Dives In,” c/o The News, 511 N. Longstreet Street, Kingstree, S.C. 29556 or email them to us at advertising@kingstreenews.com.