Helping Hillary

  • Tuesday, July 8, 2014

 I’m going to help Hillary Clinton.  The poor gal has gotten herself in a mess.  
  There is a solution to this.  She is going to make a speech at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.  She is going to be paid $225,000 for making this speech.  Now there are people saying that because of this lucrative speaking engagement that she is out of touch with everyday voters.
  Don’t worry about a thing.  I could go to Las Vegas and make the speech for her.  Don’t think that this it some idle threat either.  I’m going to brag a little.  I won the humorous speech contest for the state of South Carolina in 2001 and 2005.  I’ve won lots of other speech contests with Toastmasters International.  I keep a log of my speeches and I have presented to 1,100 audiences since 1987.  I’ve been paid up to $1,000 for doing a speech.  This could solve her problem of getting all that money.  
  I could just charge $1,000 and airfare for giving the speech.  That would really cut down on lots of logistic problems for the university.  Hillary has to travel with all her secret service people and others.  I could save on airfare and car expense.  I would bring my wife but I would pay her airfare.  Problem solved.
  I grew up in Greeleyville.  People have told me that I’m just a country boy.  My reply is that I never fed chickens, milked cows, or slopped hogs before I went to school.  Trying to out poor a poor gal is not in my nature.  Hillary is considered a harridan.  That’s an angry, unpleasant woman.  I won’t be accused of that.  I’ve never considered myself dead broke either.  I have felt like I was but I’ve never been broke.  In fact, all my working life, I’ve tried to save and increase my net worth.  Imagine the hardships at the governor’s mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas.  Hillary gets up early to go hog hunting.  She stalks those razorbacks and brings home a 200-pound hog for the fundraising barbecue.
  Imagine how hard it was to move out of the White House “dead broke” and buy a five-bedroom house so she could run for senate in New York State.  That must have been terrible.  Imagine getting up early to leave the house to go to the capital.  Bill is staying in bed.  Hillary jumps in the limo and Bill is running after her with her brown bag lunch that she forgot.  I know I can’t top that poor gal tale.  If I do this speech for her it will help all the scrutiny that is on her.
  She doesn’t get all that money and nobody cares that I don’t have a $200 million net worth.  If I had that kind of money you might not see much of me.  I would probably move to a different district, buy a big house and run for town council.
  I’m finding it difficult to get in touch with the university.  I guess they really don’t want me to come speak.  I have written some books also.  I could throw in a free copy for all the attendees.  That would be an even better deal.  
  The students are saying she should give her speaking fee as a scholarship for students.  She could give 225 $1,000 scholarships.  That would help and prove that she was interested in the education of America’s Youth.  How good would that be?
  The best thing for me would be giving the speech and having a Vegas vacation.  She could claim that she is still poor and in touch with the people.  It’s too bad that other problems with the country couldn’t be solved this easily.  If they would give me a chance I could do speeches for Bill also.  
  The Clintons could spend some time together and maybe get started on that house-remodeling project.  The house that bought in New York was a fixer upper.

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