Tuesday, May 13, 2014
You see him in the newspaper or television news all the time. Florida Man! Is he the greatest super hero or is he a despicable villain. I am not leaving out his counterpart, Florida Woman. These two have blazed a trail of heroics and mayhem throughout the country. You will see their exploits everywhere.
Florida Man saves family pet from alligator attack. Florida Woman rescues baby from burning car. Florida Man arrested for store robbery. Florida Woman convicted of fraud.
Apparently, there are more than one Florida Man/Woman team operating throughout the country. They must be all over. They might have started out from a different area of the country, but when you get to Florida you will be Florida Man/Woman forever.
It seems like most old men move to Florida to become bitter. They long for the old days and the way things were done in Ohio or Michigan. Occasionally, the Sunshine State will change them. After a few years of wearing T-shirts and shorts, they become mellow and can perform helpful miracles. Saving something from an alligator is their greatest feat.
The younger Florida men seem to take to a life of crime. Florida man robs store or gets involved in road rage argument. If they get out of the state of Florida, they seem to always have a warrant waiting for them back in the Sunshine State. Florida man arrested for bad checks. He is also wanted for parking tickets back in Florida.
Unlike other super heroes, Florida Man does not have a regular uniform. Sure, the t-shirts and shorts are likely part of his uniform, but he or she could be dressed in anything from sophisticated suits to grunge. One thing is for sure. If their mug short has them with no shirt, they are guilty. That’s just my opinion and has nothing to do with a court of law.
Sometimes Florida Man will be involved in some sort of moving. I met a real Florida Man once. He was moving into a rental house. He brought all his furniture with him, a couch. A couch is a handy piece of furniture. You can sit on it, eat on it and sleep on it. He also moved in his new Florida woman. She had two kids with her.
The other three kids were still in Florida with her ex-husbands. Florida man was going to bring his two kids as soon as he got a job. Then his kids and her other kids would all join together as one big happy family. They still only had a couch for all their worldly possessions. After three weeks, they moved back to Florida and left the couch.
Sometimes the news media puts a prejudicial slant on the news if it involves Florida Man/Woman. Florida Man leaves pet locked in vehicle. What greater sin could there be? Locking a dog or cat in a hot car must be the worst crime ever.
The story sounds like Florida Man has locked his pet in the car. A Good Samaritan Florida woman comes by and sees a poodle lying in the passenger seat. All the windows are rolled up. It is 100 degrees down in Florida. She taps on the window and the little poodle does not respond. The poor little thing must have fainted due to the heat. She calls some real super heroes. The local fire department comes out to save the poor poodle. The firefighters arrive and tap on the window. The little dog does not respond. They take the fire axes and knock out every window and the front windshield of the car. That poodle has to get some air.
The real Florida Man car owner comes on the scene as the Jaws of Life rips the passenger door from the car. The stuffed toy poodle is not harmed.
Now the headline reads, Florida Man receives new car due to firefighters mistake. You can’t say that Florida Man doesn’t have a sense of humor either. He waves each time he sees a firetruck.
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