Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Maybe it's Karma. What goes around comes around. If you think it, it will happen. I'm not a suspicious person; black cats run across my path on a weekly basis. But as of late, things just don't seem to be going as planned.
Thinking back, it all began after I wrote about Wal Mart and their Christmas competing with Halloween. I imagine the Ho Ho music, which is delightful and perfectly appropriate for Christmas (when Christmas is a couple weeks away) eventually transforms into a diabolical torture technique, driving workers (and Bah Humbugs such as I) to the edge of madness.
I assume this to be the reason behind the incessant beat of Jingle Bells that has infiltrated my head, tapping its steady rhythmic pattern, which is about as pleasant as kissing a hot poker.
When November rolled around, I shared with my office crew my opinion about pre-season jolly jingle tunes. Of course I have no say in what one can play at her desk (I'm certain some of my co-workers would rather be spared an afternoon of my Patsy Cline and Conway Twitty tunes) but Melissa (who sits at the front desk and 20 feet from my office) - bless her heart - gently warned me that Fa-La-La-La-La would be launching the day after Thanksgiving. Thank you for the warning...
Speaking of madness: Men seem to know everything. I've been tying stuff to the top of my car for years. I am proud to say I've never lost a single plastic kiddy pool or mattress. I've even battened down a few Christmas trees for the long haul so when the gentlemen blew me off after I suggested weaving the rope through and around the trunk of a beautiful Frasier Fur, I stepped back and let 'em have at it.
We made it one mile south on Highway 52. In horror, I watched the rearview mirror fill with green needles flailing about like tiny helpless arms. Before I could stop, my prized specimen had performed a swan dive off the back of the car. It met the pavement about as softly as a torpedo barreling into the side of a battle ship. It completed a few rolls before coming to a stop in the middle of the highway - into oncoming traffic.
Waving off would-be helpful motorists, we reach the lifeless mess and pulled it to saftey. Because of its size (and I wasn't about to hoist that sucker back on top of the car for round two), we abandoned our tattered road-rash-ridden evergreen with the newly split trunk until suitable transport (a pick up) could be located.
Was this Karma at work? Did my attitude lead to this unpleasant circumstance? Was my destiny determined by my previous actions? Maybe I've been too rough on the holiday thing. Maybe the madness isn't the music, or the ornaments, or the complete lack of common sense when securing a tree to a vehicle. Maybe it's time for me to embrace the holiday season two months ahead of schedule. If anything, I'd have plenty of time to marinate my rum-laced fruit cake and even memorize "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". Did somebody steal my Bah Humbug hat?