In this space I have preached many sermons about Peggy’s adoration for shoes. In another life Ole Scrap Iron would have loved to be a centipede so she could wear two dozen pairs of shoes at a time. Her feet are worshiped. She has a pacifier for each toe. She’s hoping that President Barack Obama will make feet part of his stimulus package so they can enjoy the luxury they are accustomed to. Peggy loves shoes the way termites love a rotten 2x4, the way a hummingbird loves a yard full of blossoms.

The wedding of Sam Floyd and Tammy Davis sent Mrs. Walker on a safari-shopping spree for clothes to wear for the rehearsal party, the wedding and the reception. When she goes shopping for clothes it’s like looking for a rib eye at a hog revival. If Columbus had as much trouble finding America as Peggy had finding a dress, Queen Isabella would have kicked a mud hole in Chris and walked it dry.

That’s why I was sitting in Chico’s in Florence the day before Mother’s Day. I sat and watched the passing parade. There were blondes, brunettes and redheads in all shapes and sizes. Some were the shape of mopeds, some looked like an 18-wheeler. Some could have used a doughnut for a life jacket. While I was enjoying the scenery Peggy was like a bird dog in a field full of quail. She has always had a nose for a bargain, which explains how she found me a million dollar baby in Dollar General. Peggy’s nose and eyes were on high alert when suddenly she froze. When Ole Scrap Iron freezes, the treasure hunt is over. Cash registers ring, are you listening?

The wedding rehearsal was held at the home of Bubba and Davyne Williamson. When you invite people from Williamsburg County to eat, you don’t need a rehearsal.
Sam and Tammy spent their honeymoon in Belize in Central America. Greyhound doesn’t have service between Sandy Bay and Belize, so they flew out of Sandy Bay International Jet Port. Tammy told Sam she always traveled by bus. Tammy said she had nothing against planes, but I never heard of a plane running out of gas and falling. Tammy didn’t sit down the entire trip. She gained two pounds…all of it goose bumps.
Sam called his sister Dennie Bell and told her Belize had an earthquake. According to Sam there was a whole lot of shakin’ going on. Sam woke up Tammy and said it was a train. You can tell Tammy ain’t from Sandy Bay if she don’t know the difference between an earthquake and a choo-choo.